List of The Dick Van Dyke Show episodes

Rob is commissioned by Richie's school to write a comedic bulletin for the PTA. His son struggles to explain to his friends what his father's occupation is, resulting in embarrassment. Laura suggests that Richie accompany Rob to his workplace.

This unaired pilot is for a show titled Head Of The Family starring Carl Reiner as Rob Petrie. It had an entirely different cast playing the same characters as those who would ultimately appear in The Dick Van Dyke Show. For more information see The Dick Van Dyke Show Head of the Family pilot

Rob Petrie (Dick Van Dyke), Sally Rogers (Rose Marie), Buddy Sorell (Morey Amsterdam), and Mel Cooley (Richard Deacon) are part of the staff of The Alan Brady Show. In the Season 1 premiere, Rob talks his wife Laura (Mary Tyler Moore) into leaving their sick son Richie (Larry Mathews) with a babysitter while they attend a party at the home of TV star Alan Brady (unseen and unheard in this episode, later played by Carl Reiner). While at the party Rob, Buddy and Sally are asked to entertain. When Rob and Laura come home they find Dr. Miller (Stacy Keach Sr.) there. It turns out Janie (Mary Lee Dearring), the babysitter, hit her head on the freezer door, but Ritchie is perfectly fine. Eleanor Audley as Party Goer. Fred Sherman as Party Goer. George DeNormand as Party Goer.

Songs: Dick, Rose & Morey sing "Goodbye, Goodbye". Rose sings "I Wish I Could Sing Like Durante".

Laura is concerned when Rob would rather sleep in on his day off than have breakfast with her. She wonders if Rob is losing interest in her. When he finally gets up, he dresses like a slob. Rob teases Laura when he finds a gray hair on her head. Rob can tell she's upset, but he does not know why. The next day, neighbor Millie Helper (Ann Morgan Guilbert) asks Laura what's wrong. Millie suggests that Laura bleach her hair blonde to get Rob's attention. At the office, Sally tells Rob that maybe he's not telling Laura often enough that he loves her. Laura does dye her hair and immediately regrets it. After Rob calls her, she learns how much he likes her dark hair. Millie calls the Druggist (Benny Rubin) and wants him to drop off some dye. Rob comes home and Laura only has half her hair dyed back. She explains why she did it and Rob understands.

Laura wonders why Sally isn't married. Rob says that Sally always frightens guys away because she's so out going. Laura thinks Sally would be a good match with her cousin Thomas Edson (Eddie Firestone), the lab technician. Rob is against Laura's matchmaking because Sally and Thomas are complete opposites. Laura wants to have the two over for dinner. When Rob asks her, Sally agrees to meet Thomas. That night a very timid Thomas arrives first. Sally shows up and starts right off with the jokes. Rob and Laura think the dinner was a disaster. The next day, Sally feels really bad because she thinks she over did it. That night Rob tells Laura about how Sally felt. Just then Thomas comes to the door. It turns out Thomas had a great time with Sally. Thomas would like to see her again. Jamie Farr as coffee deliveryman.

Rob is on a flight back from Washington. He's sitting next to Bill (Jesse White), who sells ladies underwear. Rob tells Bill about how he had to choose between going to Washington as a talent scout for The Alan Brady Show and staying home to see Ritchie in the school play as "the main bunny." Flashback to Rob in the office with Buddy and Sally. Mel tells Rob about the trip to scout an up and coming female singer. Rob mentions Ritchie's play, but reluctantly agrees to go. At home, Rob tells Laura about the trip. She makes Rob feel guilty. He calls Alan and says he can't make the trip as Ritchie may have a broken arm. That night, torn between his obligation to Alan and his job and seeing Rictie's play, Rob has a bad dream. After Laura orders him to not go on the trip, Rob feels like her puppet. Rob wakes up and decides to make the trip. Back to the present on the plane. Rob tells Bill that the trip ended up being useless as the singer came down with laryngitis and did not perform. Rob has to decide how he will deal with Laura when he gets home. Laura confesses to Rob that she feels bad that she was initially angry with him. Jamie Farr as Delivery Boy.

Laura finds Rob's old Army coat and combat boots in their closet. Rob tells Ritchie that he broke Laura's toes with those boots. Laura used to dance with a USO show. Rob tells Ricthie how he met Laura. Flashback to when Rob was in the Army. Rob tells his Army buddy Sol Pomeroy (Marty Ingels) that he'll be the MC for the show that night. Rob sees Laura and is infatuated with her. He learns she's a dancer with the show and her name is Laura Meeker. Rob asks her out, but she wants nothing to do with him. Rob tells Sol that he's going to marry Laura. That night, Rob pays Laura's dance partner, Mark Mullen, to let him dance with Laura. Rob winds up stepping on her foot and breaking her toes. Back to the present. Laura tells Ritchie that Rob would visit her in the hospital every day. That is when she learned what a great guy he was.

Song: Dick and Mary perform "You Wonderful You".

Harrison B. Harding (Allan Melvin) stops by the office and claims he's an old Army buddy of Rob's from Camp Crowder. Rob pretends to recognize Harrison, but he really doesn't. He doesn't even remember the name. Harrison knows a lot about Rob and even knows Laura. Rob tries to get rid of Harrison, but winds up accepting a dinner invitation from him. Harrison says Rob will get to meet his wife Evelyn (June Dayton). Rob calls Laura, who says she's already started cooking dinner. Rob winds up inviting Harrison to the house. After they arrive, Rob starts to suspect that Harrison is a con man. Rob overhears Harrison talking to Ritchie about Rob's wristwatch. Rob now thinks Harrison is also a jewel thief. Rob calls the police. After Harrison tells Ritchie how he and Rob met, Rob finally remembers Harrison. Rob learns that Harrison is a jeweler. He wanted to see Rob's watch because he was the one that engraved it and forgot a letter in Rob's name. The policeman (Peter Leeds) shows up and Rob has to come up with a story.

Neighbors Jerry (Jerry Paris) and Millie Helper (Ann Morgan Guilbert) are making plans with Laura for their bridge game that night. Jerry stokes Laura's insecurities when he learns that Valerie Blake (Joan Staley), a physically attractive actress, will be the guest star on The Alan Brady Show. Jerry then says Rob will probably call saying he has to work late. At the office, Mel tells Rob, Sally and Buddy that Alan wants the sketch rewritten that night. Rob lets Sally leave because she has a date and Sally kisses him. Rob also lets Buddy go. He calls Laura with the bad news and says he has to bring the sketch to Valerie. Rob doesn't get home til four in the morning. The next night, Rob has to work late again. Laura finds Rob's handkerchief with Sally's lipstick on it. Soon Laura's jealousy begins to grow. The next morning, Jerry comes by and teases Rob about Valerie. Rob says that as a dentist, Jerry has to do emergency work at night. After setting up a movie date with Laura, Rob has to call her back to say he has to work late again. Mel, Sally, Buddy and Rob are working in Valerie's hotel room. Laura comes by and realizes that there's nothing between Rob and Valerie.

Sally and Buddy are entertaining at a party that Rob and Laura are hosting. After Rob does a skit, Buddy and Sally asks Laura to dance and she has a great time. At work, Buddy warns Rob that Laura might want to get back into show business. Mel asks Rob if he would ask Laura whether she could serve as a temporary replacement for one of the show's dancers. Rob believes she'll turn it down. Rob calls her and Laura accepts the offer. Consequently, Rob takes over the household chores, for which he has no aptitude. Rob gets upset when the Delivery Boy (Jamie Farr) at the office stares at Laura in her rehearsal leotards. Rob is personally conflicted over Mel's wish to offer Laura a full time contract. After the show, Laura comes home and asks Rob if she was any good. She isn't sure because Mel didn't say anything to her. Rob tells her about Mel's offer. While Laura is very excited and flattered, she admits she can't physically do it anymore. Shep Houghton as Party Guest. Mickey Manners as Party guest.

Buddy and his wife Pickles are unable to bring their German Shepherd, Larry, with them on a three-day weekend. Buddy asks Rob to care for the dog, but Rob refuses because he doesn't think Laura would go for the idea. Somehow Buddy convinces Rob, because Rob tries to sneak Larry into the house. Rob overhears Laura and Ritchie talking about possibly going to Connecticut. Laura says that they have to discuss things with Rob that effect the family. When Rob tries to talk them out of the trip, Laura discovers he brought a dog home. Ritchie is afraid because he thinks that Larry is a wolf. Rob puts Larry in the garage. Laura wants the dog gone, but Rob asks her to give Larry a chance. Larry is very friendly to Laura, but Ritchie is still afraid. Laura can't sleep because Larry is crying. Rob brings Larry in the house and tries various ways to make the dog comfortable. Rob figures out that Larry doesn't want to be alone. In the morning, Laura and Rob learn that Larry slept with Ritchie and Ritchie likes the dog.

Rob and Buddy are disagreeing over the jokes for the show. Buddy shows off his Meershatz pipe that he says Alan Brady gave him. Buddy was at Alan's home last night. Rob is envious and goes home. He tells Laura that Buddy's been getting gifts and dinner invitations from Alan all week. Rob thinks that as head writer, he should get some of Alan's appreciation. The next morning, Rob is not feeling well and Laura insists he stay home. Rob says he needs to protect his job. Rob calls Buddy and Buddy mentions how much Alan liked the sketch he and Sally gave him. Buddy says that he needs to have a conference with Alan about next weeks show. Rob is getting more and more insecure about his job. The next morning Rob sneaks out and goes to work. Mel wants Rob to leave as he could be contagious. Rob feels unneeded. Rob and Laura are watching Alan's show and Laura can't stop laughing. Rob wants to call Alan and resign, before he gets fired. While on the show, Alan calls Rob and tells him how much he's needed and to get well fast. When Rob returns to the office, Buddy confesses that Alan didn't give him the pipe or any other gifts. Buddy made it up.

Rob gets upset that Ritchie keeps forgeting to pick up his toys. Rob tripped over one. Rob forgets what day it is. The next night, Rob and Laura are playing bridge with Jerry and Millie. Jerry reminds Rob that he invited the PTA to the next Alan Brady Show. Rob won't admit that he forgot to get the forty four tickets. Rob calls Mel, but he can only come up with four. Mrs. Billings (Eleanor Audley), of the PTA, comes by for the tickets. Rob says it would be better if he held onto them until the night of the show. It's the day of the show and Rob only comes up with a couple more tickets. Rob and Laura are in the lobby of the theater. Rob tries to buy tickets from some patrons. The people of the PTA arrive. Rob is about to tell them the truth. Rob learns from Mel that they need several extras for the show. The PTA will be allowed to see the show because they'll be in it. Paul Bryar as Policeman. Joe Devlin as Shabby Man. Shep Houghton as Theatre Patron.

Mel introduces his jeweler cousin, Maxwell Cooley (Gavin MacLeod), to Rob, Sally and Buddy. Mel thought they may be interested in some of Maxwell's items. Sally and Buddy each buy something. Rob sees a very large and gaudy necklace. Maxwell says it's a copy of one belonging to Empress Carlotta. Rob's not sure Laura will like it, but he's fascinated by the history behind it. At home, Laura can't bring herself to tell Rob she hates it. Jerry really likes the necklace, but Millie doesn't. Laura tells Millie that she'll tell Rob the truth later. Laura tries, but can't do it. The next night Rob has his parents, Sam (Will Wright) and Clara, come over to see the necklace. Clara thinks the necklace is absolutely beautiful. Laura asks Rob if he'd mind if she gave to necklace to Clara as a birthday gift. Rob actually thinks it's a kind gesture. Rob gets Laura a small and simple necklace and she really likes it. But he does say he'll keep looking for another Empress Carlotta necklace.

Laura calls the office and invites Buddy and Sally over for dinner. She wants Buddy to bring Pickles (Barbara Perry). Laura has a date for Sally, Ted Harris (Paul Tripp). He's the brother of a friend. That night, Laura notices how Buddy and Rob treat Sally as "one of the guys". And they do it in front of Ted. After everyone is gone, Laura tells Rob that he needs to treat Sally more like a lady. Rob realizes that Laura is right. The next day at the office, Sally wonders what's going on when Rob is so nice and flattering to her. After a week of this, Buddy tells Mel that he thinks Rob and Sally are having an affair. Buddy confronts Sally and tells her she has to give Rob up. He says that Rob has a crush on her. When Buddy finally confronts Rob, he makes Rob believe that Sally is in love with him. At home, Rob tells Laura about Sally and that she kissed him. Sally comes by with Ted. Sally knew what Rob was up to the whole time. Jamie Farr as Delivery Boy.

Note: It is learned that Pickles real name is Fiona.

Rob tells Laura he was offered the head writer's job at "The Dan Howard Show". It would mean more money, but he turned it down because Dan's too hard to work for. The next day at the office, Buddy tells Rob and Sally that he went to see Dan Howard and will take the job. Buddy needs their help getting out of his contract with Alan. Mel would love to get rid of Buddy, but he says that Alan wants him. Mel does agree to help Rob and Sally make up a memo to Alan about Buddy's pure job performance. Later, Buddy comes by Rob's house. Buddy doesn't get the Dan Howard job because Dan heard about the memo. Rob and Sally come up with a plan to make it look as though they can't work without another writer. Mel tells them to hire anyone they want except Buddy. Rob comes up with the idea to hire someone that would annoy Mel more than Buddy. They get nightclub comedian Jackie Brewster (Lennie Weinrib) to insult Mel. The plan works and Mel wants Buddy back.

Rob is a little uncomfortable when Ritchie asks "Where did I come from?". Rob starts to tell the story. Flashback to days before Ritchie was born. Rob and Laura are in bed and Rob asks her how she feels. She tells him to go to sleep. Laura finds out that Rob is sleeping in his suit. The next morning, Millie calls Laura. Rob thinks Laura took a cab to the hospital when she isn't in the bedroom. He finds her in the kitchen. Several days later, Millie finds Rob's car running with no one in it. He wanted to have it ready in case it was time. Laura wants Rob to go to work. He is still a nervous wreck. At the office, Sally and Buddy remind Rob there's a staff conference today. Rob is worried because he's wearing a wrinkled suit. Sally calls the cleaners. Mel wants to talk to Rob about the show. Willie the coffee man (Herbie Faye) comes by. Then the Dry Cleaning Man. Laura calls and Rob hits his eye with the phone. A Cabbie (Tiny Brauer) comes to the house. Rob comes home and locks bumpers with the cab. Charlie (Jerry Hausner), the driver of the laundry truck, takes Laura and Rob to the hospital. Back to the present, Ritchie laughs about Rob getting a black eye and losing his pants.

Note: This episode was colorized and broadcast on CBS on December 14, 2018.)^[4]

Laura has a habit of opening Rob's mail. He doesn't mind her opening the mail as much as he minds her reading it before he can. They have a little fight and Laura apologizes. At the office, Rob tells Sally and Buddy about Laura's habit. Buddy thinks they should do a sketch about it. Sally says to make it about female curiosity. Millie and Jerry are over to watch The Alan Brady Show. Before it starts, Laura, not knowing the topic of the sketch, tells them that she was its inspiration. The wife in the sketch is named Laura. Laura starts getting calls about the sketch and the people think she's really like that. Rob comes home and Laura is furious. The next day at the office, Rob tells Sally how upset Laura was. He had to sleep in the den. Buddy comes in and says the sketch is getting great reviews. Rob gets the last laugh when the self-inflating raft he ordered arrives and Laura, unable to control her curiosity, opens it and it expands.

Millie and Jerry are over watching The Alan Brady Show with Rob and Laura. The others enjoyed it, but Jerry says it was rotten. Jerry then claims he was joking. Rob tells Jerry he needs to be careful because one day someone will take him seriously and punch him. Officer Jack Bain (Peter Leeds) comes by. Jack says that he has some relatives coming to town and would like some tickets to the show. Jerry starts teasing and tells Jack tonight's show was rotten. Rob accidentally spills coffee on Jerry's leg. The next morning little Freddie Helper (Peter Oliphant) comes by and tells Ritchie that his mother will drive them to school. Freddie says that his daddy told him the show last night was rotten. Vinnie the milkman (Jerry Hausner) comes by. Vinnie mentions that Jerry says the show was bad. Jerry sends Rob a singing telegram about the show being rotten. Rob accidentally hits Jerry in the nose while at a restaurant. Jerry was telling that waitress how bad the show was. When Rob tries to show Laura what happened, he accidentally hits her in the nose. Some more misunderstandings occur between Rob and Jerry. Rob finally convinces Jerry that some kidding can be hurtful.

Laura's going over the family's finances and finds a check made out to cash and endorsed by Buddy. It was a $25 loan, and Rob realizes that Buddy never paid him back. Rob feels funny about asking Buddy for the money because it's been six months. At the office, Buddy and Mel trade insults. Rob brought with him the check and tries showing it to Buddy. Rob drops some hints. Buddy winds up borrowing a dollar from Rob. At home, Rob lies and tells Laura that Buddy paid back the money. She is proud of Rob and apologizes. Rob tells Jerry about Buddy. Jerry thinks it's a hint and pays Rob the two dollars he won on a bet they had. Jerry suggests Rob write a comedy sketch about people owing money as a hint to Buddy. Laura learns that Rob didn't get the money from Buddy. At the office, Buddy tells Sally that Rob owes him $25 and it's been six months. Rob, Sally and Buddy perform the owing money sketch for Mel, who is not impressed. Something Buddy says makes Rob realize he owes Buddy the money.

Rob and Laura are watching Alan Brady. On his show, Alan announces his annual search for the most talented child. He asks parents to send a picture of their child to him. Jerry comes by and hints to Rob about getting his daughter Ellen an audition. Rob's afraid if he helps Ellen, everyone in the neighborhood will want the same favor. Rob starts getting phone calls from other parents. Sally brings two kids from her neighborhood to the office. Mel thinks they should go through the same procedure as everyone else. Rob brings in several kids and so does Buddy. At home, Mrs. Kendall (Doris Singleton) brings her son Ken over to see Rob. Ken sings for Rob and is not very good. New neighbor George Mathias (Ken Lynch) calls Rob about his children and Rob is very rude to him. The next morning Ritchie brings the Mathias children, Philip (Barry Livingston), Martin and Annie, into Rob and Laura's bedroom while they're still asleep. Rob sends them away. Later in the day, George comes by. It turns out that George only called Rob because he was looking for a friend for his son Philip. George didn't even know about the contest. Rob gets talked into seeing Martin dance. Martin winds up being an incredible flamenco dancer. Barry Van Dyke as Florian.

Rob and Laura are surprised when Ritchie can actually read some words in the newspaper. Laura mentions that Ritchie has a new friend. Tommy Kirk just moved in nearby. Ritchie says Tommy is older and says words that Ritchie doesn't understand. At the office, Rob shows Buddy and Sally an encyclopedia for children that he bought for Ritchie. Laura calls Rob and tells him that Ritchie said a bad word while in the car. Laura didn't say anything to Ritchie and thinks they should just let it go. Rob thinks he should talk to Ritchie. At home, Rob talks to Ritchie. Ritchie says he won't say that word anymore. At the Office, Laura calls Rob and tells him that Ritchie wrote a different bad word on the school blackboard. At home, Rob and Laura start to think that Ritchie is getting the bad words from Tommy. Rob calls the Kirk house to tell them off. When Mrs. Kirk answers, Rob gives the phone to Laura. Instead of telling Mrs. Kirk off, Laura invites them over. Mrs. Kirk and the Rev. Kirk (William Schallert) arrive. They wind up having a nice talk about the situation.

Buddy's wife Pickles is away for 3 weeks to take care of her mother. Rob and Sally discover that Buddy's been sleeping in the office. Buddy can't stay at home because everything there reminds him of Pickles. Rob tells Buddy he can move into his guest room. Sally doesn't think it's a good idea. Buddy arrives at the house with a lot of luggage, his cello and his dog Larry. Buddy accidentally breaks Laura favorite china cups. Buddy and Larry are keeping Rob and Laura awake at night. Larry chews up the newspaper and the mail. After some time, Rob and Laura start bickering with each other. Laura thinks Rob should ask Buddy to leave. One morning Buddy offers to make breakfast. Rob and Laura wind up running around getting things for Buddy and he makes a big mess of the kitchen. Rob tells Laura that he'll ask Buddy to move out when they get to the office. At the office, Buddy tells Rob that he'll move out because he feels he's being a bother. Rob tries to be polite and says Buddy isn't a bother and Buddy then says that he'll stay. Sally tells Buddy that Pickles called and she'll be coming home that night. Rob and Laura find they can't sleep because it's too quiet in the house.

Laura finds a note in Ritchie's pants that states Rob is "Father of the Week" for Ritchie's class. Rob's supposed to be at school the next afternoon. Laura calls Rob and tells him the news. Rob tells her that he'll rearrange things at work. Ritchie tells Laura that he doesn't want Rob to go. Rob will talk about being a comedy writer and Ritchie doesn't think that is interesting. Plus he won't have anything to show the class. When Rob gets home, Laura tells him how Ritchie feels. Laura still thinks Rob should go. Rob talks to Ritchie and realizes that he wouldn't know what to say to the class. Rob tells Laura he's not going. Rob does wind up going. Mrs. Given (Isabel Randolph), Ritchie's teacher, introduces Rob to the class. At first, Rob isn't doing too well. Rob winds up entertaining the children and is a big hit.

Note: This episode is partly based on the original pilot, "Head of the Family".^[5]

Sally comes by and introduces singer Randy Twizzle to Rob and Laura. Randy also invented a new dance called the Twizzle. Sally wants to get Randy on Alan's show. Randy says the dance and song are nothing special. Sally has Buddy and Mel come by. They all go to the bowling alley where Randy performs. There's a large crowd of people dancing while Randy sings. Mel immediately signs him to the show. Rob notices that Randy doesn't seem that excited. It's two days before the show. Sally and Buddy come to Rob's for dinner. Mel calls and tells them that Randy said he doesn't think he can do the show and Mel hasn't seen him since. Rob thinks Randy's holding out for more money. Randy shows up with his manager father, Mr. Eisenbauer (Jack Albertson). Mr. Eisenbauer says they're not interested in money. Randy would like to perform another song along with the Twizzle. Randy's afraid that if the Twizzle catches on, he'll be stuck only performing that type of music. He has other musical ambitions. Freddie Blassie as himself. Robert Banas as Twizzle Dancer.

Songs: Jerry Lanning sings "The Twizzle" and "This Nearly Was Mine".

Rob gets called for jury duty. Rob wants to get out of writing next week's script and is happy to serve. Without Rob knowing it, Laura and Sally arrive in the courtroom. The defendant, Marla Hendrix (Sue Ane Langdon), enters with her attorney, Mr. Berger (Dabbs Greer). The Bailiff (Doodles Weaver) announces Judge George M. Tyler (Howard Wendell). Marla is accused of trying to smuggle diamonds into the country. Marla is a beautiful, but not-so-bright, former exotic dancer. Laura notices that Rob seems to be attracted to Marla. The courtroom starts to notice as well. At home, Laura confronts Rob about his gawking at Marla. Rob now knows Laura was there. Laura thinks Rob should remove himself as foreman of the jury, but he won't. During the jury deliberation, everyone finds Marla guilty except Rob. It's been over eleven hours and Rob won't back down. Back at home, Rob is working with Buddy and Sally. Laura asks Rob how many men voted Marla innocent, but he won't say he was the only one. Marla calls the house and Laura learns Rob was the only hold out. Marla tells Rob that there was a slight mix up and she was proven innocent. Lee Bergere as Mr. Mason, the prosecutor. Herb Vigran, Patsy Kelly and Herbie Faye as jurors.

Sally, Buddy and Pickles are at Rob and Laura's house for dinner. Sally tells Ritchie that her birthday is next Friday. Ritchie asks her how old she is and why she isn't married. After everyone leaves, Laura feels bad that Sally has to go home to an empty house. At the office, Rob and Buddy suggest they get together for Sally's birthday. Mel tells her that a man came by looking for her. Mel didn't get a name. At her apartment, Sally gets a call from an old friend from high school, Leo Fassbinder (George N. Neise). He's the man that stopped at the office. Sally invites him over for Friday night. It's Friday and Rob, Laura, Buddy and Pickles plan to go to Sally's to surprise her. Rob has second thoughts as Sally may have a date. Laura calls Sally and she says that Leo is coming over. Buddy thinks Sally is making it up. Leo arrives at Sally's place. Leo misunderstands a call Sally gets and thinks she already has a date. As a cover, he tells her he's there to sell her some more insurance. Disappointed, she asks him to leave. Rob, Laura, Buddy, Pickles and Mel arrive. Sally, not wanting them to think she was stood up, says Leo is still coming by. After they all leave, Leo does actually come back, and Sally and Leo work out the misunderstandings.

Laura calls Rob at the office and tells him he got a telegram from his brother Stacey (Jerry Van Dyke). Stacey has a two week furlough and is coming for a visit. Stacey asks to have Rob book him a hotel room. Laura learns that Stacey calls Rob "Burford". Laura wants Stacey to stay in the guest room. At home, Rob tells Laura how shy Stacey is. Just then Stacey shows up and he's anything but shy. Rob explains to Laura that his shy brother has a problem. He is a sleepwalker who's the life of the party, when he's sound asleep. Shy Stacey comes out of his room. He says he hasn't been sleep walking since he was fourteen. It started again last week. The doctors thinks it may be his uncertainty about what he'll do after he's discharged. Stacey tells them he'd like to be a banjo playing comedian. Stacey tries to do a routine for them, but it isn't going well. Later that night, Rob is throwing a party for Stacey. The fun Stacy entertains the guests then falls asleep. Mel would like to have Stacey audition for the show. After everyone leaves, Rob and Laura tell Stacey how much fun he was.

Note: Part 1 of 2

Rob and Laura come home to find Stacey entertaining Jerry Helper. Rob tells Jerry that Stacey is a sleepwalker. Something Jerry says gives Rob the idea to record Stacey while he's entertaining so he can hear what he's like. After he wakes up, Rob plays Stacey the tape. Stacey can't come up with that same energy. Stacey thinks Rob should call off the audition. Rob wants to have another party and have Alan Brady over. Rob remembers that Saturday is Alan's poker night. At the office, Mel helps Rob to get Alan to come to the party. It's party time and Sally is performing. Then it's Buddy turn. In the kitchen, Stacey tells Rob that he won't be able to perform and goes to his room. Rob and Laura perform. An energetic Stacey comes out of his room and entertains. Rob knows he's asleep. Alan loves it and wants Stacey on the show. Turns out Stacey was actually awake. He tells Rob he listened to the tape again and got the courage.

Songs: Jerry performs "(Won't You Come Home) Bill Bailey". Rose Marie sings "Crying My Heart Out for You". Mary and Dick sing "Mountain Greenery".

Note: Part 2 of 2. Carl Reiner appears as Alan Brady for the first time.

At the office, Rob, Sally and Buddy are working on a sketch about the turn of the century. Buddy says that was a great time to live. The men were in charge back then. Men nowadays are henpecked. Rob claims that he says no to Laura a lot. That night Jerry comes by and asks Rob if he wants to go bowling. Laura guilt's Rob into staying home. Laura asks Rob to bring in the laundry from outside. Jerry teases Rob. Rob starts to feel he does too much housework. He complains to Laura, but she thinks he's being silly. That night Rob has a dream about the good old days, when a man was the master of his house. Laura does all the work around the house and Ritchie works in a factory. Rob lives the life of leisure and orders them around. Rob wakes up and is glad things are the way they are.

Rob is expecting Henry Bermont (Roy Roberts) and his wife Martha (Isabel Randolph) for dinner. Henry is an important sponsor of the show. Rob's old Army buddy, Sol Pomeroy (Marty Ingels), unexpectedly stops by. Sol is passing through on his way to Connecticut. Rob would love for Sol to spend the weekend. Rob is worried because he doesn't think that Sol and Henry are very compatible. Sol is excited when he hears about the dinner party. Sol misunderstands Rob when he tries to subtly tell him he would make the dinner awkward. Sol invites Arlene Johnson to come to dinner to be his date. It's almost time for dinner. Rob and Laura think Sol went out on a date. They have mixed feelings about getting Sol to go out that evening. Henry and Martha arrive and they are very reserved. Rob is stunned when Sol and Arlene show up. Henry gets upset when Sol insults his car. They get into an argument and go outside to settle it. Turns out they went outside to look over Henry's car. Sol adjusts things on the motor and Henry says it's never run smoother.

Song: Dick and Mary sing "You Wonderful You".

At a men's tie store, Laura strikes up a conversation with the clerk. When Laura mentions that her husband is a comedy writer, the clerk asks his name. Laura says it's Robert Petrie. The clerk says he knows Rob and gave him his first job in show business. He gives Laura a clue as to who he is. At home, Rob thinks the clerk could be Happy Spangler (Jay C. Flippen). Rob goes to the store and speaks with Happy. Happy tells Rob how he wound up selling ties. To repay Happy, Rob would like to find him a job. At the office, Mel agrees to give Happy a temporary writing job. Happy comes by and meets everyone. Rob does an impersonation of Alan rejecting a script. Rob wants to get to work, but Happy starts telling about his years as a radio writer. It's been a couple weeks and Rob, Sally and Buddy are putting in long hours and even working at Rob's house because they're always behind. Buddy and Sally complain about Happy always distracting them with old stories. Rob will hate to do it, but he knows he has to confront Happy. Rob talks to Happy and Happy knows he needs to resign. Rob thinks that maybe he wasn't strict enough and he wants to see if they can still get Happy to be creative. Thanks to something Happy suggested, Rob comes up with a funny skit.

Mel leaves some toy props from the show with Rob. Mel says that Rob, Sally and Buddy can do what they want with them. Rob finds two live baby ducks. Rob says he can't take them because he brought home baby chicks once. Laura and Ritchie were very upset when they died. Rob changes his mind. At home Laura tells Rob to get rid of the ducks. Ritchie sees them and names them Oliver and Stanley. After three months Oliver dies and Ritchie becomes very attached to Stanley. Stanley has grown quite a bit and Laura thinks they should put the duck in a lake. Laura notices that Stanley is acting the way Oliver did before he died. Rob takes the duck to a Veterinarian. At the Vet's, Miss Singleton (Jane Dulo) is there with her dog. Miss Glasset (Geraldine Wall) has her cat. Rob is surprised when Mr. Fletcher (Jerry Hausner) leaves with his kangaroo. Rob comes home without Stanley and says the duck is in a lake. It's not easy, but Rob explains to Ritchie that some pets are happier living in the wild. Not knowing what Rob did with Stanley, Buddy and Sally come by with another duck to keep Stanley company. It's off to the lake they go.

Rob, Buddy and Sally are having a hard time coming up with a sketch. The Deli Man (Herbie Faye) comes by and gets involved. Rob comes up the idea that a guy wants to play poker, but his wife has a dinner party planned. The guy calls his wife, disguises his voice and claims that her husband has to work late. Sally and Buddy think that a wife would recognize her husband's voice, even if he tried to disguise it. To prove he's right, Rob calls Laura, disguises his voice, and pretends to be Italian Dr. Benno Benelli. Rob starts flirting with Laura and she flirts back. Now Rob wonders if Laura knew it was him or actually flirted with a stranger. When Rob gets home, there's a romantic table set and Laura is dressed up. Laura says she was inspired to make an Italian dinner. The phone rings and Laura races to answer it. It's Millie. The next day, Rob still believes Laura was flirting with a stranger. Buddy thinks Rob should call Laura as Dr. Benelli and ask her for a date at a restaurant. Rob does and Laura accepts the date. Millie is there and Laura tells her it was Rob. That night Rob comes home and no ones there. Laura comes home and asks Rob why he didn't show up. Rob apologizes and explains everything.

Songs: Rose sings "All of Me". Mary sings "Dolce Far Niente" to the tune of "Santa Lucia".

Ritchie finds a silver tray that was a wedding gift. The writing on it implies that Rob and Laura almost didn't get married. Ritchie wants to know what happened. Flashback to when Rob and Laura are in a jeep that's parked in the forest. Rob nervously asks Laura to marry him and she accepts. They set the following Sunday as the date. That Sunday everyone is at the Chapel except Rob. Rob is parked in the forest and he has a case of cold feet. He wants to head to the Chapel but the jeep won't start. While checking the engine, he drops the key in the radiator. Rob decides to walk and sprains his ankle. When he finally gets to the Chapel, no ones there. Laura comes back. Despite Laura being upset, Rob explains what happened. The next Sunday a Doctor (Sandy Kenyon) is looking at Rob's ankle. Turns out Rob has a respiratory tract infection. The Doctor wants to keep Rob in the hospital, but Rob says he's supposed to get married. Rob sneaks out and gets to the Chapel. Rob has trouble hearing Chaplain Berger (Dabbs Greer) and ruins the ceremony. Laura storms out. They finally get married later that day in the hospital. Ray Kellogg as Corporal.

Rob claims he's fixed the toaster and Laura doesn't have to buy a new one. It still burns the toast. Jerry comes by and returns Rob's movie projector. Jerry has he had problems with it and Rob should get a new one. Rob was looking for a handkerchief and discovers Laura's secret bank account book. There's over three hundred dollars in it. At the office, Rob tells Buddy and Sally about Laura's bank account. What Rob wonders about is why Laura is keeping it a secret. Rob then realizes that tomorrow is his birthday and thinks it might be for a new movie projector. She needs a little more money than she has for the projector. Laura comes by the office because she was shopping in town. Rob comes up with an excuse to give Laura the extra money she needs. When Rob gets home, he looks around for the hidden projector. Laura catches him and decides to give him the present early. Jerry comes by to borrow the old projector again and Rob says he can keep it. But instead of the projector, Rob receives a shirt. The next day, Sally and Buddy give Rob a movie screen. All Rob can think about is Laura's secret account. Rob finally confronts Laura about it. Laura said that it might have taken a couple years, but she was saving up to buy him a sports car. Rob feels terrible for ever having asked.

At the office, Rob, Sally and Buddy are working on a sketch. Mel comes by and wants Rob and Sally to present it to Alan. Buddy is not happy when his kid brother Blackie (Phil Leeds) shows up. Blackie says he's in a legitimate real estate business now and hasn't played pool in five years. Buddy doesn't believe Blackie and wants him to leave. Blackie says he'll prove he's changed and leaves. Later after Sally and Buddy go home, Blackie comes back and meets Rob. Blackie wanted to show Buddy something. Rob invites him to his house for dinner. Not knowing of his past as a pool hustler, Rob mentions he has a pool table. After dinner, Rob shows Blackie the pool table in the basement. Rob makes out like he's a great player and Blackie pretends he doesn't know much about pool. They start betting on the games and Blackie winds up owing Rob $300. Rob agrees to another bet. Buddy comes by the house. Not knowing Blackie is there, he tells Laura he feels bad about how he treated his brother. Rob learns that Blackie is a pool hustler. Buddy finds out that Blackie is there. Blackie wins the last game and Rob writes him a check. Blackie goes on to prove to Rob and Buddy that he has gone legit by tearing up the check.

Song: Dick, Rose and Morey sing "Moonlight Bay".

Rob and Laura invite Army pal Glen Jameson (Charles Aidman) to a dinner party with Buddy, Sally, Jerry and Millie. Glen happens to also be a hypnotist. After dinner, Millie begs to be hypnotized. Glen makes Millie think that Jerry is Rock Hudson. Glen then hypnotizes Laura and has her be the person she most admires, which turns out to be Abraham Lincoln. Glen does the same with Jerry, and it turns out to be himself. Glen tries to hypnotize Buddy into acting drunk whenever he hears a bell ring. Another bell ring will make him normal again. Buddy pretends to be under, but it is Rob, who is watching from the kitchen, that really gets hypnotized. Not knowing that Rob was under, Glen leaves without removing the spell. The next morning, Rob is at the office. The phone rings and Rob becomes drunk. It rings again and he's sober. Mel tells Rob that Mr. Boland (Roy Roberts), a sponsor, wants to speak with him. The phone rings and Mel and Boland see Rob drunk. Boland thinks Rob is working on a comedy sketch. The phone rings again. Rob figures out that he's been hypnotized. He calls Glen and tells him to come over to remove the spell.

Ritchie asks Rob if he has a middle name as his friends have. He then shows Rob his birth certificate that he found. Ritchie asks if his middle name is Rosebud. Laura says they'll talk about when he comes home from school. After Ritchie leaves, Laura reminds Rob that Rosebud was his idea. Flashback to the day that Laura told Rob she was pregnant. Laura comes by the old office. Rob and Buddy are busy in Alan's office. Sally can sense that Laura wants to tell Rob she's pregnant. Rob hears the news and then everyone else does. Sally, Buddy and Mel all have suggestions for a name. Rob came up with Rosebud as a compromise because it used letters from all the names the parents suggested. R: Robert, O: Oscar, S: Sam, E: Edward, B: Benjamin, U: Ulysses, D: David. Back to the present, Rob explains to Ritchie that he actually has seven middle names and Ritchie is happy about it. Carl Benton Reid and Geraldine Wall as Mr. and Mrs. Meehan, Laura's parents. J. Pat O'Malley and Isabel Randolph as Sam and Clara Petrie, Rob's parents. Cyril Delevanti as Grandpa Petrie.

Mel comes in the office and says there's been a change to the show. Instead of Sophia Loren, singer Ric Vallone (Vic Damone) will be the guest and Mel introduces him. Sally volunteers to go to dinner with Ric to discuss the show. At home, Rob mentions to Laura that he's not worried about Sally because Ric is a confirmed bachelor. Sally and Ric come by and ask if Laura has any homemade lasagna, which she doesn't. Sally and Ric continue their search and leave. Laura tells Rob that she can tell Sally is falling for Ric. Sally and Ric spend a lot of time together and Rob is getting concerned. Sally jokes to Rob that she might propose to Ric. Rob asks Ric how he feels about Sally. While he likes her and she's fun to be with, there's nothing serious. The two come up with a way to get Sally to forget him by having Ric pretend to be an abusive drunk. Ric and Sally are over for dinner at Rob's and Ric starts acting drunk. Sally is getting disgusted with Ric and is about to leave. Ric and Rob pretend to fight and Rob knocks Ric down. Now Sally feels sorry for Ric and wants to drive him home. Ric and Sally wind up going out again.

Song: Vic sings "The Most Beautiful Girl in the World".

Millie calls and Laura tells her what a difficult day she's had. Repair men didn't show up and Ritchie's been a terror. Rob comes home late and complains about the miserable day he had. Laura was holding dinner, but Rob said he grabbed something on the way home. She wonders why he didn't call her. They start fighting and Rob storms out of the house. The next morning, Millie comes by and Laura tells her that Rob never came home. Laura tells her about the fight, but makes it sound as though she did nothing wrong and it was all Rob's fault. Millie says Rob's probably at the office and Laura should call him. Rob tells Buddy and Sally that he spent the night in the garage. He was going to take a short drive, but forgot his keys in the house. Rob tells them about the fight and how he came home in a perfect mood and Laura did all the fighting. She even kicked him out of the house. Sally asks if he's exaggerating a little and Rob admits Laura didn't kick him out. Buddy suggests bringing Laura a surprise. Meanwhile, Laura is preparing a special Italian meal for Rob. Rob comes home and they both apologize to each other. Rob's surprise is he brought home a Chinese dinner.

Rob is beginning to feel that Buddy and Sally are avoiding him. He starts to suspect that Buddy and Sally may be moonlighting for another comedy show, or worse - having an affair. Eavesdropping, Rob overhears Buddy and Sally talk about Herbie's Hiawatha Lodge - a getaway outside of New York City. To save their friendship and Buddy's marriage, Rob makes any excuse to go there with Laura and catch them in the act, but it ends up not being quite the act Rob anticipated.

Rob and Laura assume Richie's claims of being pecked by a giant woodpecker are just a way of getting attention. Rob believes that playing along with Richie and saying that he killed the woodpecker may finally calm Richie down for good. Millie says she's seen the woodpecker herself. Rob figures out that the bird wanted Richie's hair to build a nest. Cliff Norton appears as a Game Warden.

The Petries start quarreling after neighbor Jerry suggests Rob's recent sneezing fits are psychosomatic expressions of repressed rage at Laura. After getting allergy tests done and speaking to his doctor (Sandy Kenyon), Rob gets it into his head that he really is allergic to Laura. Could Richie and Freddie Helper's new club hold the answer?

With Jerry away at a dentists' convention, Rob is forced to see another dentist after breaking his tooth on a chicken bone. But while he is in the other dentist's chair he has him work on another tooth, as well. Rob suffers pangs of guilt for letting another dentist work on his teeth. And he must do all that he can to avoid letting Jerry find out.

Dreading the thought of being forced to direct a fund-raising show by Mrs. Billings (Eleanor Audley) of the PTA, Rob remembers the previous year's show when he tried to cast the role of Cleopatra. But as Mrs. Billings stops by, she may surprise Rob in her reason for the visit. Bob Crane guest stars as Harry Rogers, who played Mark Antony. Shirley Mitchell appears as Shirley Rogers, Harry's wife.

A successive string of neighborhood cat burglaries makes the Petries and the Helpers jumpy. Despite the extra precaution and vigilance, both the Petries and the Helpers end up being robbed that night. The police lieutenant (Barney Phillips) asks Rob if the theft might be a publicity stunt. Rob thinks he's figured out who the burglars are and tries to catch them. Johnny Silver appears as the newspaper photographer.

Rob's old high school friend Jane Leighton (Joan O'Brien) comes to New York to try and make it big in show business. Rob says he will help her in any way he can, however, Laura is not so comfortable with him doing that. She does not trust the beautiful and flirtatious Jane. Rob decides to work with Jane during the evenings for a week to help her prepare for her auditions. It is part of Rob's grand plan because he knows once she gets a spot on The Alan Brady Show she will stop hanging on him.

Buddy and Sally find Rob's memoirs and read about the time Rob had to break off his engagement with an old girlfriend (Barbara Bain) before marrying Laura. At Camp Crowder Rob asks his captain if he could have two three-day passes, one for the honeymoon and one to go back home to tell his old girlfriend. As his captain would only issue one three-day pass, Rob decides he will go home and face the girlfriend. Sally and Buddy love what they read but the story, as typed, is incomplete, and they are left wondering how it ends. Rob comes back and fills them in on what is a not quite true story. Allan Melvin appears as Sam, Rob's Army friend.

Rob is lured onto "The Ray Murdock X-Rays", a provocative TV talk show. Murdock (Gene Lyons) assures Rob he just wants to offer his viewers a glimpse into the inner workings of a comic genius. Rob is grilled by Murdock, however, and he inadvertently describes Laura as a nut. Now if Rob can just keep Laura from seeing the show, he might just save his marriage. Jerry Hausner appears as the stage manager.

Thinking his own friends betrayed him in an argument with Mel over a sketch, Rob remembers his first day as the head writer of The Alan Brady Show. Although Buddy and Sally had already been on staff, Rob was hired as the "head writer", causing him some friction with his established co-workers. When Alan rejected the script Buddy and Sally turned in, Rob realized what he must do to salvage all three of their reputations. Back in real time, Mel comes to Rob's house to apologize and tells him that Buddy and Sally also quit after Rob left.

Rob enjoys a scary sci-fi movie on TV while Laura cowers under the bed covers so as to not hear it. When the show ends, Rob further tortures Laura by telling the tale of Kolak, a visitor from the planet Twilo who resembles Danny Thomas and deploys walnuts to steal Earthlings' thumbs and imaginations. Rob awakes in the morning to a living room strewn with walnuts and Laura preparing scrambled walnuts for Rob's breakfast. Everyone at the office is acting as if Kolak really existed. Is Rob dreaming or is Laura having her revenge?

(Note: In 1997, TV Guide ranked this episode #15 on its list of the 100 Greatest Episodes.^[7] In 2009, it moved to #13.^[8] In 2021, a clip from this episode is also shown in the WandaVision episode "Previously On".^[9] Also in 2021, the first episode of Wandavision, "Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience", is a tribute to sitcoms of the 1950s and early 1960s, especially The Dick Van Dyke Show, to the point that Wandavison's producers talked to Dick Van Dyke himself for his advice to keep the episode as authentic as possible.^[10][11][12])

Laura's silence forces Rob to recount their evening out to determine what he did that made her infuriated over jeopardizing Richie's college future. He finally figures out her chilly demeanor stems from his picking up the check for the entire dinner. Rob refuses to change his behavior and claims he will continue to pay for dinner checks when they're out with friends - until he sees a reflection of his behavior in the actions of his son, Richie.

(Note: Bill Idelson makes his debut in the recurring role of Herman Glimscher, Sally's perennial boyfriend, in this episode.)

Rob, who has never skied before, is going on a skiing trip with Jerry. Laura fears that Rob will injure himself. Her fears worsen when Rob and Jerry are late returning from their trip. As Laura and Millie wait together, Rob and Jerry are in a hospital getting medical attention for injuries sustained in a four person/one goat on-slope collision. Rob sustains a full-body sprain, and now he does all he can to keep it from Laura rather than admit her woman's intuition was correct. Jean Allison appears as a nurse.

When Rob accidentally mars the wall in the Petries' living room, he and Laura hire Vito Giotto (Vito Scotti), a flamboyant Italian painter, to repaint the room. Giotto turns their lives upside down as he manages to paint most of the rest of the house and become increasingly involved in their daily lives without ever completing the job he was hired to do. Rob decides that they have to get rid of Vito, but Vito comes through in the end.

Rob, Laura, Buddy, and Sally must perform in a show for Rob's friend Sam Pomerantz (Henry Calvin) at his resort after Rob accidentally injures comedian Danny Brewster (Len Weinrib, who appeared earlier as "Jackie Brewster").

Rob and Laura are both surprised that the latest guest star on The Alan Brady Show is someone from their past — French star Jacques Savon (Jacques Bergerac). Rob feels responsible for breaking up Jacques' marriage. Oddly enough, Laura feels responsible, too. Neither Rob nor Laura knows what the other thinks. Rob and Laura met Jacques and his then wife Yvette when they visited Europe years ago. When Jacques finds out that both Rob and Laura are scared to see him and the reason why, he has to figure out a way to make them both feel OK without letting each other know their secret.

Rob and Laura are invited to a dinner party for all the top writers in various fields, thrown by wealthy Mrs. Huntington (Doris Packer). Rob and Laura really only want to meet famed poet Henry Walden (Everett Sloane). The party later reveals itself to be a fund-raiser with guests donating either some or all of their earnings from published books. So as to fit in, Rob pulls out a blank check, which Mrs. Huntington, mistaking the gesture for selfless generosity, snags before he can fill in an amount. With Rob's meager bank account and reputation in peril, salvation comes from an unexpected source, also revealing the true reason behind his invitation to the party. Howard Wendell, Roxane Berard, and Betty Lou Gerson appear as guests at the party.

British actor 'Racy' Tracy Rattigan (Richard Dawson) is filling in as substitute host for The Alan Brady Show — and he seems to have an interest in Laura. Rob finally has to spray him with champagne to stop his flirtatious advances at Laura. The next day, Tracy comes to the office and tells everyone that last night was all a gag. Will they ever know if that is the truth?

Rob gets a late evening call from Buddy. He's left Pickles (Joan Shawlee). Rob meets Buddy at a bar to find out what happened. Leaving Buddy at a hotel after an already long evening, Rob gets a call from Pickles, in hysterics over Buddy not coming home. She insists Rob come over, which he reluctantly does. He hears her side of the story. Just at the very moment when Rob tries to comfort her, who should return home? Charlie Cantor appears as the bartender.

Rob and Laura learn from their accountant that they'll have to cut some corners for a little while until their financial situation improves. Rob gets envious when he learns that Jim Darling (Robert Vaughn), the show's new wealthy and good-looking sponsor, also happens to be Laura's old beau. Jim wants to host a cocktail party for the show's staff and their spouses while he's in town and especially wants to see Laura. The party winds up being at Rob's house. Laura may regret the party after seeing the way Rob acts around Jim.

Rob overhears Laura talking to Millie about some secret. At first it sounds like Laura is planning on having an affair, but then Rob learns that the secret is a surprise birthday party for him. When Laura suspects Rob knows, she makes a change of plans. Rob is pretty certain she is trying the old double reverse on him. Is she really? Only a party (or none) on Saturday night will tell the real story of who managed to outfox whom.

Rob and Buddy are reminiscing about Freddy White (Guy Marks), a deadbeat comedian to whom they have both provided material but who never paid them. Rob, Laura, and Sally go out to dinner and they run into Freddy. Rob and Buddy are surprised to learn that Sally likes Freddy, whom she hopes someday to marry. Rob knows that Freddy is only romancing Sally to get her to write him some new material for free, which Freddy admits to him in private. Rob believes that if they write Freddy a great act, he'll forget about Sally. That plan doesn't pan out, but Freddy does reveal something to Sally that makes her say goodbye.

In the Season 2 finale, Richie fashions himself as an audience member of The Uncle Spunky Show, which was sponsored by the candy product Crummy Buttons. Rob, Buddy, and Sally have to find a way to get Alan to unlove the sketch. Alan, however, believes the best defense is a strong offense. Herbie Faye appears as Willie the Deli Man.

In the Season 3 premiere, Rob tells Mel about the time he thought he brought home the wrong baby from the hospital. The hospital staff kept mistaking Laura's room (208) with that of a Mrs. Peters (203) who also had a baby boy that same day. Rob begins to believe that the Peters' baby and theirs were mixed up. Not wanting to concern Laura, Rob tried to find evidence of the mix-up and talks to the Peters on the phone. Only after meeting the Peters does Rob become certain that they had the correct baby all along. Amzie Strickland appears as the nurse. Greg Morris appears as Mr. Peters.

(Note: This episode was colorized and shown on CBS-TV on December 11, 2016.^[13])

While at an estate sale to learn about auctions for a sketch on The Alan Brady Show, Rob, Buddy, and Sally accidentally bid on a painting of a clown signed by "Artanis". Rob and Laura discover that another, original painting is hidden underneath that of the clown -- one that bears a striking similarity to the Grant Wood masterpiece American Gothic. It turns out that the painting of the clown was by Frank Sinatra. Carl Reiner's Your Show of Shows writing colleague Howard Morris appears as the art expert, Mr. Holdecker. Alan Reed, the voice of Fred Flintstone, appears as the auctioneer.

Rob would like to know why Laura disappears every time his insurance agent Ed Rubin (Charles Aidman) comes over or calls. Laura is forced to confess to Rob that she lied about her age on their marriage certificate and that she was 17 instead of the 19 that she claimed to be. Rob has to now find out whether he and Laura are still legally married. (Part 1 of 2)

Rob and Laura must go out of town to make their marriage legal without their friends finding out, but a marital squabble before Judge Krata (Russell Collins) might prevent it. Burt Mustin and Madge Blake appear as Mr. and Mrs. Donald Parker, respectively, the wedding witnesses. (Part 2 of 2)

Through Richie's toy intercom, Rob and Laura eavesdrop on a private conversation between Jerry and Millie. They discover that it is probably better not to know what Millie and Jerry say about them when they are not around. Rob and Laura become infuriated just prior to attending the Helper's dinner party, making for a seriously disquieting evening. After the party, Rob and Laura decide they need to let Millie and Jerry know what happened and apologize.

Rob is forced to once again direct the annual PTA variety show. Instead of Laura getting the lead role, as usual, Rob must choose between Laura and Anita Lebost (Sylvia Lewis), a talented newcomer to the neighborhood. Rob comes up with a compromise. Eleanor Audley appears as Mrs. Billings. Jerry Hausner appears as the delivery man. Eddie Ryder appears as Howard Lebost.

While doing a run-through of a sketch for The Alan Brady Show, Rob smashes what he thinks is a breakaway violin over his head. Instead, it is a real violin, and the blow from the instrument brings on a bout of temporary amnesia. Rob winds up at a party in Red Hook, New Jersey, with no memory of his real identity. How can Rob convince Laura that he had amnesia and that he is not lying to her? Harold Peary and Amzie Strickland appear as Laura's Uncle and Aunt.

Rob's gregarious Uncle George (Denver Pyle) visits, and asks Rob to help him find a wife. Sally comes up with the idea of her boyfriend Herman Glimscher's (Bill Idelson) mother (Elvia Allman). Rob and Laura host a small dinner party where the elderly pair can meet. A problem arises when Uncle George only has eyes for Sally. Rob has to figure out a way to tell Uncle George that he needs to look for someone a little older than Sally.

An infamous mobster (series producer Sheldon Leonard) asks Rob, Buddy, and Sally to write material for his nephew Kenny (Larrs Jackson, credited under his early stage name, Jack Larson), who aspires to be a comic. They are afraid to refuse because of Calvada's reputation. They are also alarmed to learn that, despite preparing top-notch material for him, Kenny is hopelessly untalented as a performer. Apparently, Max had another reason for hiring them. Arthur Batanides appears as Bernard, Max's associate. Sue Casey appears as Clarisse Calvada.

Inspired by an outing on Alan Brady's yacht and against the warning of their wives, Rob and Jerry purchase a boat together. They go on a sailing trip that ends disastrously.

Rob hires a maid to give Laura a rest from housework. He ends up with Maria (Míriam Colón), a woman fresh from Barcelona who speaks no English, has a broken arm, and expects to work as a live-in. Rob and Laura agree that she can't stay, but neither wants to be the one to fire her. They then learn that she will be deported if they do, so they agree to keep her until the agency can find her another job. Ultimately, Rob discovers she has a talent for something else and gets her a job doing that.

Rob struggles between his civic duty and fear for his family's safety when he believes he can identify the two robbers in a jewelry store holdup. Bernie Hamilton appears as Patrolman Nelson. Ken Lynch appears as Lt. Yarnell.

Alan's annual Christmas show is airing. He has had many critics state that what his Christmas shows lack is heart. Alan rejects the funny script Rob, Buddy and Sally submit in favor of an idea he believes has heart. He'll have his staff, who entertain at many of his social functions, be the headliners of the show. Carl Reiner appears as Alan Brady, but as was the custom at this juncture of the series, his face is not seen, but is instead hidden behind an outsized Santa Claus beard.

(Note that Carl Reiner is not listed in the cast credits.)

Rob becomes the victim of undying gratitude and amorous attentions when he elevates a talented young chorus girl named Joan Delroy (Cheryl Holdridge) to a featured role on the show. Laura gives Rob some advice on how to get rid of Joan, but that backfires. When Joan finds out how her boyfriend Ernie really feels, she forgets about Rob.

Laura interferes in an interview between Rob and magazine reporter Diane Moseby regarding The Alan Brady Show. This results in Rob getting most of the credit for the comic success of the show. Rob blames both Laura and himself for the article's tone, and he must figure out a way to make it up to Alan, Buddy, and Sally. But Rob's plan to set things straight backfires. Although he is still shot only from behind, this episode represents the first time Carl Reiner has a significant amount of dialog in the role of Alan Brady.

(Note that Carl Reiner is not listed in the cast credits.)

Rob and Laura become competitive matchmakers for bachelor Arthur Stanwyck (Anthony Eisley), who just moved into the neighborhood. Rob sets him up with Sally, and Laura arranges a date with her clumsy but sophisticated cousin Donna Palmer. After hosting two dinner parties, Rob and Laura are totally confused at who makes the better match between the two extremely different women. Only Arthur may shed some light on whom he favors, what he intends on doing, and why.

While golfing, Rob meets a man named Joe Coogan (Michael Forest), who turns out to be yet another old boyfriend of Laura's. Laura admits that she's secretly kept some mementos of her relationship with Joe, namely love sonnets he wrote to her. Rob is obviously hurt and jealous. Laura and Millie go to visit the club to find Joe, and discover he is a priest. Laura phones Rob to let him know she's invited Joe to dinner. Not knowing Joe is a priest, Rob invites Sally to join them and snatch Joe away from Laura once and for all.

When Sally arrives at the Petrie house, they explain to her how a game of cards with their new neighbors, a former District Attorney named Lou Gregory (Edward Platt) and his wife Beth (Shirley Mitchell), ended badly. Laura accidentally damages one of the cards. She gets a replacement deck, not realizing she's chosen a marked deck that Rob was using earlier to show Richie some card tricks. Right before winning the last hand, Rob realizes that the cards are marked and that he has been subconsciously reading them. He tries to figure out how to get out of the situation gracefully.

Kids' birthday parties have recently become extravagant affairs, so Laura expects to hold Richie's birthday party at Dizzyland amusement park. Rob considers it awhile before firmly deciding to hold the event at home, despite having 63 kids. The children proceed to make a mess of things. Laura reminds Rob of his own belief that parents should give of themselves to their kids. Rob comes up with some entertainment.

Jerry would like to offer Millie's sister's cottage at Lake Sissy Manoonoo to Rob and Laura for the weekend. He believes Rob has some psychological block, however, in going there, since he has always come down with some ailment every other time the cottage has been offered to them. Rob suspects Jerry might be right when he suddenly throws his back out. He decides to consult Jerry's psychiatrist friend, Dr. Phil Nevins (Ross Elliott). Ken Berry appears as Tony Daniels, a dance choreographer.

Buddy and Rob are left writing the show without Sally when she becomes a hit as a regular guest on The Stevie Parsons Show. Rob is concerned about how Alan's show will suffer. Rob and Buddy need Sally in the office not only as a third comic brain but as a buffer between the two male egos. Rob decides he needs to give Sally an ultimatum, but Sally beats him to the punch with her own news about her long-term future. (Part 1 of 2)

During Sally's appearance on The Stevie Parsons Show, Rob has a hard time finding even remotely adequate help. After Rob relents, Laura herself fills in as the typist on The Alan Brady Show, driving Rob crazy with her excellent work. She can do the secretarial job very well and still maintain the house. Rob, festering, makes the office environment with Laura an antagonistic one. Rob tells Laura that he's afraid she'll want to keep working because it was so easy. She tells him it was the hardest week of her life, which works out since Sally says she's coming back. Jackie Joseph appears as Alan Brady's niece. (Part 2 of 2)

Rob tells Buddy and Sally about the time he and Laura tried to go on their honeymoon. Captain Lebost (Peter Hobbs) revoked all free-passes due to a theft in the army unit. Rob had to sneak off the base. Once at the lodge, he found Laura dealing with a shabby resort and its boisterous owner, Mrs. Campbell (Kathleen Freeman). Sam (Allan Melvin), Rob's Army buddy, comes to get him because of a surprise bed check. Back at the base, Rob learns that he will get his pass after all. Johnny Silver appears as Mr. Campbell.

The latest guest star on The Alan Brady Show, Paula Marshall (Lola Albright), makes Rob the producer of the show and the subject of her whims. Paula's egocentric requests force Rob to understand that she is making him do things against what he would normally consider good for the show. Laura's handling of a disobedient Richie shows Rob how he needs to deal with Paula and do the show as intended by the writers.

Rob and Laura are caught in the middle of a feud between their parents over competing cemetery plots. The cemetery plots clearly become a manifestation of their parents' competition for their love. When Rob decides that he and Laura will share cemetery plots with their own parents, Richie asks if they are splitting up and if they still love each other. This brings everyone back into perspective. Carl Benton Reid and Geraldine Wall appear as Mr. and Mrs. Meehan, respectively, Laura's parents.

Rob has just bought a new car, which he loves. Because their station wagon is in the shop, Laura needs to drive the new car as it is her day to carpool the children to school. While it wasn't Laura's fault, a large scratch on the passenger side materializes. Laura has to decide whether to tell Rob and receive his certain wrath, or hide the fact of the scratch until she can get it repaired. Maybe Rob will understand that an accident can happen to anyone, even a distracted comedy writer.

While Alan is on vacation, Rob wants to write a show around old-time radio characters. Buddy, Sally. and even Laura don't think anyone watching television would be interested in these radio stars that no one probably even remembers. They are successful in convincing radio personalities "The Mad Russian" (Bert Gordon), "The Chatterbox" (Arlene Harris), and "Fish Man Edwin Carp" (Richard Haydn), who did fish imitations, to perform. Everything seems fine until Edwin confesses a personal problem on the eve of the broadcast that might derail the production. Amzie Strickland appears as Edwin's Mother.

Laura once commissioned artist Sergei Carpetna for a fully clothed portrait of herself. Sergei, taking artistic license, rendered her nude. Laura threw paint on it, thinking she ruined it. But now the painting is standing in an art gallery for all to see. She tells Rob about it and he reassures Laura that he's not upset, but he really is. Laura remembers that she paid for the painting. Rob comes up with a way for Sergei to sell the painting and make Rob and Laura happy.

Notes:

• The title and plot of this episode are an allusion to the controversial oil painting September Morn (1911).^[14]
• This episode was colorized and shown on CBS-TV on December 22, 2017.^[15] and again on July 3, 2020 to mark the passing of Carl Reiner as it was one of his favorite episodes of the series.

With Laura out of town for a few days, Rob tries to figure out what to do in his spare time. Eventually, he looks in on Benny Joey (Herkie Styles), an old Army buddy, who is a stand-up comic at a nightclub. Rob, Benny and some of the other performers, including Maureen Core (Barbara Stuart) whose military themed act uses a small cannon, partake in a sometimes not so friendly craps game. Unfortunately, it results in confusion that ultimately lands Rob behind bars. Arthur Batanides, Jackie Joseph, and Johnny Silver guest star.

Rob and Laura spot their neighbor Jerry at a fancy restaurant with a pretty blonde. They suspect him of having an affair, and his lack of candor seems to confirm their fears. Their beliefs are strengthened by implications directly from Millie to Laura, and by a similar sighting of Jerry with an unknown woman by Sally. Rob's conversation with Jerry about the issue brings the full story to light.

Worried that he's going bald, Rob sees Buddy's barber Irwin (Ned Glass) who provides an unusual method of preventing baldness. But Irwin's concoction includes ingredients that seem more suited to a salad bowl than to a barbershop. Laura has a dream that Rob is at first bald and then has a head covered in lettuce.

In the Season 3 finale, Laura takes a creative writing course, and the teacher over-complements Laura's work. Rob infers from this unwarranted attention that Mr. Caldwell (Bernard Fox) is using Laura to meet him. In fact, Mr. Caldwell's interest is only in Laura. Cheerio Meredith appears as Miss Prinder, another student.

In the Season 4 premiere, Rob tells a nurse how he wound up in the hospital: it is Laura's fault for being superior in the art of self-defense. Three days earlier, when a drunk (Paul Gilbert) accosts Laura and Rob in a downtown bar, Laura surprises Rob by using a judo throw that flattens the man. Rob begins to feel inadequate as the "protector" of his household and gets a lot of ribbing about it. He learns that the show's chorus lead, Tony Daniels (Ken Berry), knows judo. To regain his confidence, Rob takes a few lessons to show Laura a few moves. It is one of those moves that lands Rob in the hospital.

Alan has invited Mel, Rob, Laura, Buddy and Sally to a fishing lodge for a working weekend. After a mix up by Mel for reservations at a lodge, Rob, Laura, Buddy and Sally spend the night in a seemingly haunted cabin. The last occupant of that cabin, the wealthy Amos Chantz, disappeared without a trace. Strange things start happening all around them once they are inside. Though scared, they decide to stay. But "the ghost" may have other things on his mind as, one by one, the cabin inhabitants start disappearing, leaving the last of the four to deal with the ghost of Amos Chantz on his own. Milton Parsons appears as the caretaker.

Roger (Eddie Hodges), a babysitter in high school whom the Petries adore, develops a huge crush on Laura. Laura detects that he's in unrequited love with a girl. He admits he is, but that the object of his affection doesn't know. Rob, not realizing who is involved, encourages him to express his love to the object of his desire. Rob and Laura have to figure out what to do after she receives his love letter.

A disagreement over a neighbor's crabgrass threatens to end the friendship between the Petries and the Helpers, especially when Jerry rips Rob's sports coat. Rob wants to extend an olive branch by sending an invitation to the Helpers to attend a dinner party at their house. When they don't show up, Rob thinks he and Laura have been snubbed. But, the invitation was never mailed. Mel finds it almost a week after the scheduled dinner party and mails it for Rob. The feud may escalate over this misunderstanding, however, the misunderstanding itself may actually solve their problem.

Drew Patton, an old friend of Rob's, shows up to offer him a job with his hugely successful but racy gentlemen's magazine, Emperor. Rob says he won't do it, but Laura is not so sure. Rob is very tempted by the wining, dining, and the beautiful girls. Laura admits to Rob why she is so scared of him working for Drew. Rob tells Laura he didn't take the job. Gloria Neil appears as Laura #2.

In the show's 100th episode, a red rose found in Sally's desk bespeaks of a secret admirer. When she learns it is Bert (Sid Melton), the jocular deli man, she does not take it seriously. Bert is really in love with her. When told of this fact, Sally does not know what to do, as Bert is not her type, but she does not want to hurt him. Sally ultimately has to be up front with her feelings.

Rob, Buddy and Sally have been asked to do a benefit show at Granville State Prison by its entertainment director, convict Lyle Delp. Rob tells his coworkers about the day he and Laura met prisoner Lyle Delp (Don Rickles). Lyle had robbed the Petries years ago in an elevator, but then the three were trapped together when the elevator got stuck. Their goal was to get out of the elevator safely and quickly, but they wind up just waiting for help. This gave them time to get to know each other. (Part 1 of 2)

The Alan Brady Show crew come to prison to put on a show for Lyle Delp (Don Rickles) and his fellow inmates. Rob and Laura unwisely choose to wear prison uniforms for the show. Rob gets mistaken for a real prisoner and is thrown in the slammer. Rob has to figure a way to convince the disbelieving guard (Allan Melvin) that he is who he says he is. Ken Lynch appears as Warden Walter Jackson. Robert Strauss and Arthur Batanides appear as two trouble making inmates. (Part 2 of 2)

Note: Alan is misspelled "Allan" in the onscreen title.

Rob gets Alan Brady to host a television documentary about comedy that Rob wrote, even though Alan is against it. Laura believes that if Alan gets enough positive fan mail, he'll consider it a success. Millie writes fourteen letters to Alan praising the program, but everything goes awry when the program is pre-empted and is not shown. Laura and Millie have to figure out what to do, hopefully to keep Rob from standing in the unemployment line after Alan reads the letters. Turns out Mel saves the day.

Note: This episode is the first episode in the series where Alan Brady starts appearing without his face being obscured.

After Buddy offers Sally one of his pain pills, Rob warns them not to, introducing in flashback the cautionary tale of the time years earlier when Laura was extremely nervous about the first time Rob's parents were invited to the newlyweds' home for dinner. Millie offers her some of her own prescribed relaxation pills. With a glass of wine in her system as well, Laura ends up not being in control of her faculties that evening, her bizarre behavior not making the impression she had intended. Tom Tully and Isabel Randolph appear as Rob's parents.

On learning they're not the highest paid writers for their highest rated show, Sally and Buddy go on strike. Rob, speaking on their behalf for raises, gets a bewildering introduction to Alan's convoluted corporate structure. Because of this befuddling structure, Rob winds up getting a raise and Buddy and Sally still get nothing. Rob has to figure how to tell the others. But, in the end, they all get raises in another convoluted way. Roger C. Carmel plays Alan Brady's accountant, Doug Wesley.

Laura doesn't want Rob to go golfing because she fears he will become sick and ruin her party with her relatives. Rob goes anyway and does get sick and must put on a positive face for the party rather than admit she was right that he should have skipped the golf game. It turns out that he didn't get sick from golfing anyway. Willard Waterman appears as Uncle Harold. Jane Dulo appears as Cousin Margaret.

Rob, Buddy and Sally let their egos get the best of them when Mel tells them a reporter (Doris Singleton) from a magazine will be sitting in on a writing session for The Alan Brady Show. But a last-minute realization may save them from public embarrassment.

Neil Schenk (Jack Carter), an old but manipulative pal of Rob's, re-enters Rob's life to, once again, milk him for repayment of a good turn he once provided Rob. He aims to get a job at the advertising agency that does commercials for The Alan Brady Show. He wants Rob to write him a glowing letter of recommendation, which is made all the more difficult as Rob knows Neil isn't right for the job. Rob has to figure out how to stand up to Neil this time and refuse to do what he wants. Peter Hobbs appears as Bill Sampson, head of the advertising agency.

Rob carelessly loses the important script needed for that weeks The Alan Brady Show at Grand Central Station. An unsuccessful visit with the lost and found attendant Harry Keene (Herbie Faye) forces Rob to tell his colleagues. It was found at the train station by a homeless bum (Gene Baylos) who is holding it for ransom. Rob attends the drop point only to get drawn into a series of misadventures involving two other vagrants (Tiny Brauer), a policeman (Larry J. Blake), and a spoiled kid and mother on an outing. Hauled away to the police station for assaulting the wrong bum, Rob has failed to obtain the script. With hope lost and the show in jeopardy, the bum surprisingly shows up at their office building with script in hand, having witnessed Rob's arrest.

At a party at Sally's house, Buddy plays a series of telephone pranks on unsuspecting people. He convinces his comic friend Phil Franklin (Lennie Weinrib) to call Rob to pull a prank about a broken telephone. Buddy expects a reprisal, but the longer Rob takes to pay him back, the more paranoid Buddy becomes, suspecting everything and everybody. A William Handlebuck (Alvy Moore) from the IRS comes to the office to talk to Buddy. Buddy gives him a hard time thinking it's a gag. Rob convinces Buddy that Handlebuck is really from the IRS and Buddy is terrified that he's in trouble. It turns out that it was Phill pulling a prank on Buddy.

Fresh out of the Army, Stacey Petrie (Jerry Van Dyke) arrives to open his nightclub and marry a girl he's never met. Rob and Laura find out her name is Julie, she lives in New York City, is a friend of an army buddy, and hasn't been asked to marry him yet. A practice date with Sally seems in order to help combat his shyness. Sally learns why he's nervous to meet Julie. The rest of the evening unfolds in a violent way neither Sally nor Stacey had envisioned but which benefits the two in different ways. Howard Wendell appears as Dr. Lemler.

Stacey waits till the day before his club opening to fess up to Julie about the author of her love letters from "Jim". Meanwhile, Rob and Laura do much of the work at the club. Her reaction to the truth may entirely affect the success or failure of Stacey's business venture. Herbie Faye appears as Lou Temple, club employee. Carl Reiner appears as Willie Cooke, a drunken actor.

Millie and Laura become two terrible stage-mothers when Rob agrees to hire sons Richie and Freddie for a commercial directed by Mel Cooley. Rob endeavors to make the script equal for both kids. But, Laura and Millie take it upon themselves to make it unequal, each trying to increase the exposure of her own son. In the end, Rob has to hire some professional children as the boys just keep getting worse.

The Petries are recruited to shelter popular British rock duo The Redcoats (Chad & Jeremy) from their hordes of fans. Although knowing the worst would happen, Rob and Laura are both dying to tell someone - anyone - that the Redcoats are staying at their house. The boys manage to get away safely the next morning, but some girls find out that they had stayed there. Will the Petrie house survive? William Beckley appears as Richard Karp, The Redcoats' manager.

Rob takes on Mr. Wiley (Alvy Moore), a crooked pillow salesman, in court. Apparently, he sold Laura pillows that smelled of chickens. Rob makes a fool of himself in court, but wins the case anyway. Amzie Strickland appears as May Wiley. Joel Fluellen appears as the Bailiff. Ed Begley appears as the Judge.

Rob invests his bonus paycheck in Buddy's Uncle Lou's (Lou Jacobi) discount shoe store. Laura may regret Rob's decision after receiving horrible service from the store's salesman, Sid (Milton Frome), who doesn't know she is Rob's wife. Feeling the need to protect his investment, Rob talks to Sid about the situation, but Sid, not taking any guff from a new investor, promptly quits. As Lou isn't around at the time, Rob and Buddy mind the store till his return. How much trouble can Rob and Buddy get into serving customers in a shoe store? Irving Bacon, Jane Dulo and Amzie Strickland appear as customers.

Laura is concerned about Richie since he has been coming home from school with bruises. He tells Laura that a girl named Pricilla Darwell has been beating him up. After meeting Mr. Darwell (Bernard Fox) and sweet-as-sugar Pricilla who says she loves Richie and would never beat up on him, Rob can't believe that Pricilla is the bully. But an eyewitness confirms Richie's story. Rob and Laura have to decide what to do to stop Pricilla from beating up Richie while teaching Richie to do the right thing. Doris Singleton appears as Mrs. Darwell.

Rob discovers he received no credit for a song, called Bupkis, that he co-wrote years ago. He wrote the lyrics to the song written by a colleague named Buzzy Potter back when the two were in the army. Buzzy came by a couple months ago and asked about peddling their old songs. Rob verbally gave him outright ownership of them. When Rob goes to confront Buzzy, he runs into another old army pal named 'Sticks' Mandalay (Greg Morris). Turns out that Sticks actually wrote the music to the song, with Buzzy contributing nothing except his name on the music sheet. Tim Herbert appears as another Songwriter.

Notes: Carl Reiner's voice is heard as a radio announcer in this episode. The song "Bupkis", only featured on record in the episode, is sung by pop duo Dick and Dee Dee

To explain why he writes an annual $37.50 "friendship" check to Jerry, Rob tells Bert Steele (Eddie Ryder), his new accountant, the story of how he and Laura found their new house. After looking at countless homes, Rob and Laura find a home they really like, but it has a giant rock in the basement. Millie and Jerry practically talk them out of the house, only to buy it themselves later. When the house next door becomes available, it's decided that the Helpers would take that and Rob gets the house with the rock. The checks are to pay for water damage that the rock caused to Jerry's house. Stanley Adams appears as a Real Estate Agent.

Sally falls head over heels over handsome, suave Anthony Stone, whom she met while on vacation in Jamaica. Laura finds out from Sally that Tony is a mortician. Rob and Buddy discover that he is already married. Before they can tell her, she decides she has had enough of him because of his temper. Rob and Buddy are free to tell her their secret.

Rob and Laura explain to Millie why they cut their romantic getaway so short. Laura got her toe stuck in a hotel bathtub faucet and Rob couldn't get through the locked bathroom door to free her. Rob has to contend with a wisecracking hotel staff, including a surly maid (Kathleen Freeman), a detective (Bernard Fox), a waiter (Johnny Silver) and a bellboy (Bill Idelson, outside of his usual role as Herman Glimscher.) It finally takes a gunshot to the bathroom door lock and an Engineer (Arthur Malet) to extricate Laura from her predicament.

Note: This episode was colorized and shown on CBS-TV on December 14, 2018.^[4]

While dying a costume for Richie's school play, Rob and Laura accidentally dye their hands black. This all happens right before they are to attend a dinner party to receive an award from the CIU: the committee of interracial understanding. Joel Fluellen appears as Roger Johnson, who presents Rob the award.

Alan Brady asks Rob to doctor the play of noted playwright Harper Worthington Yates (Strother Martin) that Alan is supposed to perform on Broadway. Alan doesn't want Yates or anyone else to know. Rob is tired of writing in the shadows and wants credit for his help. Rob and Alan discuss it with Harper, who winds up hiring another writer to help. Sandy Kenyon appears as Lionel Dann, the director of the play. Richard Erdman appears as Buck Brown, clothing designer of the play.

Note: This episode was colorized and aired on CBS on May 21, 2021.

Rob and Laura tell a magazine reporter (Dabbs Greer) about how Rob came to be the head writer of The Alan Brady Show. It was after he had stayed up for 100 straight hours for a disc jockey radio stunt. They broadcast from a department store window for the whole world to see Rob in action. Just as the new record is almost done, a disoriented Rob learned that Alan wanted to see him for an interview that evening. Nine hours later, Rob, who needed Laura's help in getting to the interview in Chicago, was even more disoriented as he met with Alan and Mel. Fred Clark appears as William Van Buren, station manager. Howard Wendell appears as Mr. Chambers, department store manager.

Rob gets a motorcycle, resulting in an argument with Laura. She thinks motorcycles are unsafe since she knew a boy in high school who got into a serious accident with one. She also knows that Rob is a klutz. As such, Rob reluctantly agrees to give it up. Rob feels entitled to one ride of freedom before selling it. Rob stops at a burger stand and runs into some other young bikers (Bob Random, Carl Reindel, Linda Marshall). Because of something the bikers did, Rob almost gets arrested. Sandy Kenyon appears as a Policeman. Johnny Silver appears as the Counter Man at the stand.

In the Season 4 finale, Buddy always says "I could've gotten it for you wholesale" but always after the fact, so Sally dares him to prove it. Rob gets more than he bargained for when he tries to buy Laura the $500 fur coat at wholesale price. Rob must go through a somewhat shady process with the wholesaler, Nunzio Vallani. The process includes fake names, fake orders, a pick-up location way out on Long Island and a non-return policy. But, Rob can't argue with the $250 price tag. Laura must pretend to be Nunzio's wife while picking it up, and upon returning home finds the coat is too big for her. Rob has to decide whether to tell Buddy what a rotten deal it ended up being. Jane Dulo appears as Opal Levinger, a saleswoman.

In the Season 5 premiere, Laura and Millie attend the taping of the nationally broadcast "Pay as You Go!" game show, whose host is notorious for getting his guests flustered. Laura becomes a contestant and is tricked into revealing on the air that Alan Brady is bald. After she tells Rob what happened, they both futilely hope for a miracle that Alan doesn't find out. Later, certain that he already knows- which he does, Laura secretly visits Alan's office in an attempt to apologize and keep Rob from being fired.

Note: In 1997, TV Guide ranked this episode #8 on its list of the 100 Greatest Episodes.^[7] This episode was colorized and shown on CBS-TV on December 11, 2016^[13] and again on July 3, 2020 to mark the passing of Carl Reiner.

Harvey Bellman, a guy Rob once encouraged to write, finally finishes his book and sends Rob and Laura a copy. Rob is now upset over never finishing his own book. Rob tries to continue writing his book, but finds himself distracted by anything and everything. He goes to a cabin lent to him by Harvey, but is only distracted even more and never gets anything more than a short dedication for the book done. Guy Raymond appears as Horace, the man that lets Rob into the cabin.

During a late-night writing session for The Alan Brady Show, Rob thinks he sees a UFO, which utters the mysterious phrase, "Uhny Uftz." After an embarrassing attempt to report the saucer to the authorities, Rob speaks to his psychiatrist friend Dr. Phil Ridley (Ross Elliott). He convinces Rob it was just an illusion caused by fatigue. The puzzling phrase reappears during another late night writing session and this time Buddy hears it as well. They search the building and find a man named Karl (John Mylong). The flying saucer was a toy that he invented. Madge Blake appears as a lady who overhears Rob talking to Phil.

Rob tries to find a home for Horrible, a hideous dog that was supposed to appear on The Alan Brady Show before a slight change of plans. Nobody wants him, and Rob's allergies prevent him from keeping him. Laura suggests taking Horrible to a canine grooming salon where wonders might be worked. After some hesitation, the haughty Rex Fitzpaulding (Billy De Wolfe) of Poodle Palace accepts the challenge, and after cleaning up the dog he decides to keep him. George Tyne appears as Mr. Berkowitz of the pound. Michael Conrad appears as Mr. Mack, a customer at the pound. Florence Halop appears as Mrs. Fitzpaulding.

When Laura reads about Clark Rice (Van Williams) in the paper, she and Rob remember when Rob almost lost Laura to him. Laura was crowned "Bivouac Baby" at Camp Crowder, and is to be raffled off for a date. The winner of the raffle was Clark. Clark ended up being attracted to Laura, and Laura in turn admitted that she had a good time with Clark on their date. Laura decides to see Clark again. Rob tells Laura to make a choice. Allan Melvin appears as Sam Pomerantz. Johnny Silver appears as Humphrey Dundee, a friend of Clark's.

Rob is not thrilled about taking an evening art class with Laura. But, he ends up having a great time and is the star pupil of the class, which is taught by Valerie Ware (Ina Balin). Laura starts to believe that Valerie is interested in Rob as more than a student. Valerie wants to give Rob private lessons. Rob discovers that Laura was right about Valerie. Jackie Joseph, Dorothea Neumann and Jody Gilbert appear as art class students.

Rob and Laura attend the reading of the will left by Rob's elderly Uncle Hezekiah. Rob and Laura are shown a short film of Hezekiah informing Rob that he's left him his old roll-top desk. Hezekiah then sings him a chorus of "Me and My Shadow," which is supposed to be a clue to a "treasure" Hezekiah claims is hidden in the desk. Rob finds some old coins in the desk. He has Mr. Harlow (Forrest Lewis), a coin expert, look at them, but there's no treasure there. After a little more searching, Rob finds what his Uncle wanted him to have. Dan Tobin appears as Leland Ferguson, the lawyer. Elvia Allman, Herb Vigran, Amzie Strickland, Howard Wendell, and Tiny Brauer appear as people who attended the reading of the will.

Note: The short film shown to Rob and Laura features Dick Van Dyke as Uncle Hezekiah.

When Freddie Helper connects the freckles on Rob's back with his marker they appear to form the Liberty Bell. Millie suggests that he submit it to "Odd but True", a column that discusses strange things. Rob goes to see Mr. Tetlow (James Millhollin) at the "Odd but True" office. He determines that some of the freckles were actually healed over scars. Hope Summers appears as a Lady with Dog. Rhoda Williams appears as the Receptionist.

Rob and Laura's former maid, Maria, telephones asking for a favor. Maria would like Rob to find a job for Manuel Rodriguez (Joby Baker), her matador boyfriend. When Manuel arrives at Rob house, he has the misconception - much like Maria did before him - that his job is as their live-in housekeeper. He tells them that he left Spain and bullfighting in disgrace as a coward and needs to regain his dignity before he can marry Maria. His personality doesn't seem that of the bullfighter he claims to be. After an accident at the house, Manuel reveals his true profession.

Richie has been giving his classmates lectures on the facts of life in school. They are fanciful stories that prompt Miss Reshovsky (Alberta Nelson), his teacher, to summon Rob and Laura to discuss the matter. After having a talk with Richie, the Petries feel they've handled the problem and that no more tales will be told. But soon they hear that the lectures are continuing. Finally, Rob and Laura sit Richie down to find out what's up with him. Peter Hobbs appears as Dr. Gormsley.

Rob recalls for Buddy and Sally his days as "Pitter Patter Petrie," the Special Services' middleweight champion of Camp Crowder during his Army days. He had just finished his last required fight and promised Laura he wouldn't fight again. Rob's friend Sol (Allan Melvin) and Bernie Stern (Michael Conrad) of the Motor Pool set up a fight against the Motor Pool's middleweight champ Boom Boom Bailey. Because he promised Laura, he turns the fight down. Captain Worwick (Ed Peck) pretty much forces Rob to fight, because the camp thinks Rob's a coward. Rob eventually knocks Boom Boom out, but loses the fight because he hit him in his appendix, which is below the belt. Garry Marshall appears as the Referee.

Laura has brought home a series of fantasy illustrations done by a friend. She wants Rob to approach his friend, Ollie Wheelright (John McGiver), a children's book publisher, to see if he would be interested in publishing the drawings. Laura also thinks that the drawings might be sold more easily if there was a story accompanying them. Laura writes the story. Rob likes her story, but feels that it needs a few edits and offers to make those changes. In the editing process, Rob changes Laura's story entirely, and she is not happy. Buddy and Sally believe that Ollie would be a good judge and that they should submit both stories for his consideration. Ollie passes on both stories, but likes the drawings.

Rob returns home late after a fight with Laura. Before coming in the house, Rob gets a black eye falling on Jerry and Millie's lawn jockey. The police call searching for someone who drove a car matching Rob's car's license plate number. That person allegedly assaulted an elderly woman at a bar. Having nothing to hide, Rob tries to cooperate with the police, but the more he does, the guiltier he looks and sounds. To make matters worse, Mrs. Fieldhouse, the victim, positively identifies him as one of her attackers. Buddy, Sally and the bartender are able to prove Rob's innocence. Sandy Kenyon appears as Detective Cox. Phillip Pine appears as Detective Norton.

When the writers of The Alan Brady Show get the summer off, Rob remembers when the same thing happened years ago and he was in financial woe. Back then Laura figured Rob could collect unemployment insurance. Dawn McCracken (Reta Shaw) from the unemployment office was able to get him a writing job for a TV tube company. Just as Rob starts the job, a Joe Galardi (James Frawley) tells him they are all going on strike. A phone call from Mel solves Rob's problems. Jerry Hausner appears as Herbie Finkel. Dabbs Greer appears as Mr. Brumley from the TV tube company.

Laura gives Rob an expensive watch at a birthday party attended by several family friends. When the watch goes missing shortly after the party, Rob reluctantly concludes that one of his close friends may be a thief. After Rob reports the loss to his insurance company, they send Mr. Evans (Milton Frome) to investigate. He questions Rob's friends and his accusatory nature quickly makes everyone hate Rob and Laura. In the end, with Jerry, Millie, Buddy, Sally and Mel under suspicion, the culprit turns out to be the last one anybody suspected.

When he speaks out against the development of a new shopping center, Rob is asked to run for city councilman by his friend Doug (George Tyne) and businessman Mr. Howard (Philip Ober). Flattered, Rob considers it but soon finds his life under their complete management. Both he and Laura also discover that everyone in New Rochelle wants something from their local politicians, whether it be big, small or crazy. Rob has reasons he wants to run and also reasons not to. Arte Johnson appears as Bill Schermerhorn, campaign manager. Howard Wendell appears as John Gerber. Peter Brocco appears as Lionel, a citizen. (This plot is similar to episode 197 of The Andy Griffith Show, and episode 72 of The Partridge Family show).

Note: Part 1 of 2

While running for New Rochelle city councilman, Rob realizes his opponent Lincoln Goodheart (Wally Cox) is much more knowledgeable about local issues than he is. Rob's strengths: a winning smile and physical height. Does the public want a well-informed leader or a charming figurehead? Lorna Thayer appears as Samantha Meriweather, a reporter. (This storyline was also used in episode 197 of The Andy Griffith Show, and later in episode 72 of The Partridge Family Show).

Note: Part 2 of 2

Rob's parents (Tom Tully and Isabel Randolph) give Laura a Petrie family heirloom. It's a huge, garish gold brooch in the shape of the United States, with a jewel for each city where a male member of the family was born. Rob and Laura are told of the family curse. If a jewel in the brooch falls out, that family member dies. Laura later accidentally drops it in the garbage disposal. She tries to have it repaired before anyone notices. But, did Laura need to go to the trouble? Leon Belasco appears as Mr. Mark, the jeweler.

Rob encourages Mel Cooley to stand up to Alan Brady after the TV star yells at the producer for a tiny mistake, but Mel is promptly fired. Rob, Sally and Buddy try to figure out how else they can support Mel in this battle without jeopardizing their own jobs. They convince Alan that Mel's annoying traits are actually his positives.

Note: This episode was colorized and aired on CBS on May 21, 2021.

During a visit from Buddy and Sally, Rob and Laura explain how they made up divorce papers while on a frustrating trip to Mexico just three months into their marriage. Rob was stationed in a small Texas border town. Rob and Laura decide to take a romantic getaway across the border into El Diablo, Mexico. What they didn't know was that El Diablo was the place were people went to get a quick and cheap divorce. The problems Rob and Laura faced there were heightened by a flamenco dancer named Maxine, who Rob dances with an entire evening. During an argument at the hotel, Rob and Laura told their story to Juan (Bernie Kopell), the lawyer who provides divorces. Don Diamond appears as Gonzales, the Hotel Manager. José Nieto appears as a Mariachio.

Sally goes on The Stevie Parsons Show to make a gag request for a husband that results in hundreds in letters. Stevie (Richard Schaal) asks Rob to pick one of those letters without Sally's knowledge. Stevie plans to contact the man and introduce him to Sally live on the air. Rob must decide if he will go along with the stunt. And if he does, will he pick the one letter that seemed the most sincere? Rob does and everyone is quite surprised to find out who the man is.

Buddy begins begging off early from work and making unusual phone calls from the office. Rob and Sally wonder if Buddy is seeing a psychiatrist or having an affair. But he's really just keeping appointments to prepare for his bar mitzvah. Ed Peck appears as Leon, the Rabbi. Pippa Scott appears as Dorothy, Leon's wife.

At an Albany hotel filled with lodge-member revelers where Laura's cousin is getting married, Rob finds it hard to find a TV set to watch a fashion show for Alan Brady. Rob hears the room across from his has the TV on to the show. Mrs. Henderson lets him watch the show. Wendell Henderson (Robert Nichols) comes back, and thinking the worst, ruins Rob's tux. Rob then has to wear a suit from Wendell with fur lapels to the wedding. Tom D'Andrea appears as Forrest Gilly, the TV repairman. Tiny Brauer and Johnny Haymer appear as hotel guests. Bert Remsen appears as a Bartender.

When Rob, Sally and Buddy have to dig through building trash containers for a lost script, Rob finds a network memo to Alan Brady saying he must fire one writer. Rather than be split up, they decide to seek a new job together. The only job open is working for ventriloquist Claude Wilbur's (Paul Winchell) show featuring puppets, the star puppet being Jellybean the Snail. Rob isn't sure they should accept it. Everything changes once Alan gets wind of their action. Turns out that Alan never intended to fire anyone. He gets one of those memos every month. Henry Gibson appears as Doug Bedlork, Sally's date.

The entire office, including the writers' room, gets a face-lift in preparation for a film crew shooting a falsified television documentary on Alan's life. Alan Brady wants to stage an event with Rob to make himself look good, so he hosts an anniversary party for the Helpers at the Petrie house. Millie, who really doesn't like Alan, wants the film crew to come anyway to give her and Jerry and all their loving friends (including her flirtatious cousin Blanche (Joyce Jameson) and Blanche's jealous lush of a husband Hi) national television exposure, but on her own terms. Caught in the middle, Rob and Laura wonder how to salvage what has the potential of being a disastrous evening for all concerned. Eddie Paskey appears as a Party Guest.

Just as Laura and the staff are about to leave the office for a play (thanks to tickets given to them by Alan Brady), Sally realizes they've forgotten to ink out the nasty comments about Alan in the current week's finished script. They feel they have no other choice but to try and break into Alan's office and retrieve the script, or else get fired after Alan reads it. They discover that Mel sent the script to Alan's home. Now the gang, including Mel, head for Alan's house. Once they get into Alan's house, they discover him there and he has already read the script. However, Mel has a way to prevent them all from getting fired. Forrest Lewis appears as Mac the night watchman.

Mr. Phillips (Biff Elliot), a federal agent, stops by wanting to use the Petrie house as a stakeout post to watch one of their neighbors, Mr. Gerard (Steven Geray). It isn't Mr. Gerard they are actually after, but his criminal nephew. Laura doesn't like the idea, but Rob thrives on the idea of a little excitement. They agree to let them use the house, and Agent Harry Bond (Godfrey Cambridge) is sent. Rob can't help but get in Harry's way as he tries to act like a spy. When it seems something might be happening at Gerard's house, Rob may have to get involved in the surveillance, as Harry is suffering not only from over-exposure to Rob, but a massive toothache.

Leslie Merkle (Michael Constantine), an old army buddy of Rob's, casts him in the lead of his latest movie. Rob meets Lucianna Mazetta, a stunningly attractive woman, that he is to do a love scene with. During the filming, Rob is having a hard time playing his part because Laura is there watching him. But, even with Laura gone, Rob's acting is horrible.

A new neighbor turns out to be Laura's old school chum Mary Jane Staggs. Feeling slighted and jealous of Mary Jane's friendship with Laura, Millie tries to get Jerry to feel the same way about Rob's new friendship with Fred Staggs (Joby Baker). Jerry refuses to until he finds out that Rob, having four free tickets to a new Broadway show, gave the two extras to Fred and Mary Jane. Rob and Laura find a way for the Helpers to become friends with the Staggs. But, now Rob and Laura feel left out. The Petries and the Helpers have to decide what constitutes true friendship.

Because she has a cold and can't go, Laura tries to spend the night alone while her family and the Helpers are on a fishing trip. She is spooked by odd noises and doors that seem to open by themselves. Millie's return to keep her company makes things worse. Rob starts to feel sick and he decides to come home. The power goes out and when Rob enters the house, Laura and Millie panic even more.

While Rob is under anesthesia, he dreams of being in a western setting with his family and friends, going up against "Big Bad Brady". Rob hears from Killer Cooley that Big Bad Brady is coming to town and wants to see a show. He vows to kill anyone associated with it if he doesn't like it, but if the show doesn't go on, he'll just kill Rob instead. Rob can't convince the cowboys of the town to perform, so he must decide whether to face Big Bad Brady or go on the run. As Sheriff Rob resolves to make a stand, wife Laura thinks she has the answer to save him. But, when that doesn't work, Rob has to shoot it out with Brady. Allan Melvin appears as a gun salesman.

Note: Dick Van Dyke's children Barry and Stacy, along with Garry Marshall and other writers from the show and their families, appear as background characters in this episode. This episode was the last episode of the series to be filmed.^[16]

In the series finale, Rob finishes his first book called Untitled: A Series of Terribly Important Events in the Fairly Unimportant Life of Robert S. Petrie. As Laura starts reading, she is excited to learn that the book is the story of their life from marriage proposal to a point shortly after Richie's birth. She begins to reminisce about the situations written. Regardless of Laura's reaction, Rob wonders about the reaction of the publisher to whom he sent the manuscript. The publisher hates it, but Alan decides to buy the rights to the manuscript and turn it into a TV series with him as the star.

Note: The series finale features clips from previous episodes: Season 2's "The Attempted Marriage", Season 1's "Where Did I Come From", and Season 3's "That's My Boy?!".